My current take on new Anime Movies currently released both in theaters and on video.

Yes, the Ani-Man is BACK in full effect baby! After a long layoff, (about 5 months) I have decided that it was time to rear my ugly head again. Going to Japan this summer and increased duties at my real job has left this column as dry as Dennis Miller's commentary on Monday Night Football. But worry not loyal Ani-Man fans (all 3 of you out there) because this bad boy is back with all new complaints about our state of Anime right now.

Anyone else out there notice the crud that's been flooding our shores these days? What's a BoogiePop Phantom? Sounds like something George Lucas would think about while in the crapper. The last good series I watched was the legendary Berserk, and that is not even domestically available here yet! (Well, not until Media Blasters brings it out here next Feb.) Having to sit through hours of Lost in Space, BoogieFLop Phantom, Nadesico, Gasaraki, and Vampire princess Miyu. Yes, I didn't care much for Miyu, and no matter how many of you fan girls out there love Larva, a pretty bishounen with long blue hair and a cool mask doesn't lift a series based on a little girl who looks like a cross between Sailor Saturn and Dracula. BoogieFLop Phantom tries too hard to be like Lain, with its eerie characters, somber attitude and using lots of gray in its animation. However, the characters aren't inspiring, and the phantom itself is almost laughable, looking like one of those silly ghosts you see in cheesy Hong Kong flicks.

Actually, the problem for me is that I have already watched all the great stuff that's coming out just now. Case in point: Rurouni Kenshin/Samurai X - I've watched the fan-subbed versions of this awesome series last year already, but it's still coming out now domestically. So it's not to say that there aren't any series worth your time. I am about to talk about two really good anime movies I recently had the pleasure of watching. Listen closely, because I am only going to say it once.

Utena: The MOVIE

People who know my tastes in anime might have to pick their jaws off the floor when I say,"This movie was worth the $25.00 I paid for the limited DVD edition!" I have bagged on Utena before, from its anorexic male characters to the god-awful music that plagues every fight scene. However, the nice, happy director of Utena with his black nail polish and perfectly combed hair has corrected some glaring flaws in Utena with this movie.

Now listen, if you wanted a recap of the story, go online and look for another website. I am only going to point out some aspects I liked without giving much of the story away. For once, although Utena and Anthy are still high school students, they look older than in the TV series, which causes me to feel less guilty as I lecherously look at them onscreen. The males are still too anorexic, but so are most guys in Japan, so I have come to accept that. The design and animation are top-notch, and the opening sequence with the camera panning up a tower to the rose garden is breathtaking.

Watch this movie for its gorgeous design, and not to mention two attractive female characters getting it on. Yes, let's just say that what was only hinted between Utena and Anthy is smacked right in your face here. Sorry, it's not "hentai" level, but enough to pound the idea home that these two are lovebirds. The last scene, with those two sitting on a phallic looking vehicle sure is the moneyshot. Thumbs up for Utena, Anthy and those anorexic boys.

Vampire Hunter D:Bloodlust

Now, if the title alone doesn't get you automatically hooked, better check your pulse because you are as dead as the vampires here. A flashy remake of the anime-horror classic way back in the early 80's, this D is a remarkable showing of cell work. Those who say hand-drawn animation is dead should have their eyes peeled, stuck on a chair with Ricki Lake on their lap and be forced to watch every single beautiful frame of animation of Bloodlust.

Yes, I enjoyed Shrek and Monsters INC. but why can't CG and cel work co-exist in peace? Anyway, sumptuous designs are abound here, as the creators worked overtime to give each character, heck, each class a distinctive feel. The vampires arrive in all their gothic splendor, the bounty hunters are decked out in cool futuristic battle garb, and the peasants, who also moonlight as vampire food, are dressed in poor Western clothing, down to the hick sheriff!

Please watch this movie for its tight storyline, plentiful action scenes, very imaginative characters (especially the evil ones) and splendid animation. If you have a cross fetish like my little sister, you will also worship this movie. Thumb way up for the undead and their cattle.

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The Ani-Man's Hitlist

Ahem - it's been a while since I last wrote a column here, but that's only because I was in Japan getting the vacation of a lifetime. (I'm sure all you fine jealous folks out there understand.) Not to go off on a tangent here, but I must say that Japan's anime stores are leagues beyond the paltry offerings located here in America. Imagine walking into a two-story paradise that carries nothing but loads after loads of anime and you can have some idea. I mean, the cute girls that work there are in cos-play for crying out loud. Can you imagine walking into a store and a girl who is dressed like Card Captor Sakura greets you? Oh I am sorry-you can't-because * you * weren't' there. Ha.

By the way, did I mention the that in one store, they actually had a guy dress up as Youji from Weiss Kreuz and belt out songs from that anime's soundtrack? It had to be seen to be believed. That's right-as I went along my merry way searching through all the different action figures and manga, an anime character was standing on a stage three feet from me singing anime songs. Life is grand.

I see that my counterpart has written a column extolling the virtues of choice death scenes in various anime series. Not being one to cheaply copy her column idea, I shall offer the exact opposite: a listing of characters I wish * would've * kicked the bucket. These characters deserve to be sat on by a T-Rex and sliced up into itty-bitty pieces by Kenshin with a pair of chopsticks.

Miaka from Fushigi Yuugi

Someone please get a fire extinguisher and bash this wench on the head. I know that Fushigi Yuugi is supposed to have this really epic and wonderful story. I know that there are millions of fans worldwide who will go so far as to tattoo their foreheads to resemble some of the characters. But the fact that can't be covered is that Miaka is utterly annoying with all her whining and crying. I remember popping in my first Fushigi tape with utmost anticipation. After watching an hour of Miaka however, epic storyline or not, the tape found it's way to the garbage can.

Kamui from X/1999

There is one word that describes this terrible excuse for a male lead - and it is another word for "cat". Little Kamui doesn't want to fight the bad Dragons of Earth and opts instead to let his friends fight (and die). He acts as a child, selfish, and uncaring. All he wants to do is protect his darling Kotori, and he couldn't even do that. I feel that a more gratifying conclusion to X/1999 would be to have Fuuma beat Kamui in a long, drawn-out battle. Sorry Kamui, but all the cuteness and sakura blossoms blowing in your hair won't get you a passing grade in my book.

Shinji from Evangelion

You dated a girl that has your mother's DNA. You are going to hell.

Touma from Sakura Diaries

Okay, I know that most of you do not have any clue who or what Touma is. He is the main male character in the little-known series, Sakura Diaries. The premise of the series: one of the most desirable girls in anime, Urara, likes this poor slob named Touma. He doesn't like her and ends up hurting her. Let's just say that if a girl is willing to wear nothing but an apron while making you a five course meal, she loves your sorry butt. If you don't reciprocate that love, you should suffer a fate worse than Tom Arnold's short-lived marriage to Roseanne Barr.

All the men in Revolutionary Girl Utena

Never mind the fact that I never liked this show. The men here, with their frail, waif-like looks has set masculinity back a decade. I am not saying that I expect all male anime characters to have huge biceps like Conan the Barbarian, but please give these guys some testosterone injections please. I think three-year-old girls have thicker waists than these walking sticks. The only people with skinnier frames than these guys are hospital patients and hungry peasants during medieval times.

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The Ani-Man at Japanimation.com: Rebuttal

Well, due to my counterpart, the Ani-Chick's display of female bravado and gushing for certain male anime characters that "didn't get enough screen time," the Ani-Man is here to talk about his own crusade for justice. So, the Ani-Chick complains that there isn't enough screen time for the likes of Asaba, Fred Luo or Saitou Hajime? Trust me, while those are noteworthy examples of underexposure, there are far more injustices found in the realm of favorite female characters. The following female characters represent my own personal favorites that no otaku should go on living without seeing their fleeting moments on the screen at least once.

Naga the Serpent

Why Naga? She appears in a few episodes of Slayers, as well as the popular theatrical release of Slayers: the Motion Picture, but compared to the vast universe of the series, everyone's favorite Gainix bounce girl is nothing but a speck of dust. She made the Slayers Motion Picture funny and worthwhile watching. Some of her spells, such as the Stone Dragon, is awesome to behold-not to mention her two biggest assets! :)

Her best qualities. Well, need I say more? But truthfully, besides those monsters, Naga does have some other redeeming qualities that make you want to hug her all over. She has an infectious laugh that goes... "hohohohohohohohoho". She frequently berates heroine Lina Inverse about her lack of well, attributes. We all love Naga!

Sharon Apple

Why Sharon? Because she is the single most cool computer in the history of film-animated or real time. Forget HAL from Space Oddesey 2001 or that pesky computer in Outlaw Star. Sharon is a computer-generated life form that knows how to work it! I felt that the creators of Macross Plus should have limited the cheesy love triangle betwixt Isamu, Guld, and Myung and concentrated on developing more Sharon Apple scenes. Any one who has seen Sharon Apple's most suberashi concert sequence in episode 2 of the Macross Plus series will agree with me that we need more Sharon.

Her best qualities. Because she is a psycho! Sharon is hot, very fashionable (love those angel wings in the Movie concert), and has orange hair (sometimes). How can you not love a woman with orange hair? She loves Guld! She loves Isamu even more! She loves having her mainframe set rubbed by her founder, Mari! In fact that scene is one of my favorites in the entire series, so everytime I hear the word suberashi, I feel like rubbing a bald head myself.

Mai Shiranui

Why Mai? If you got to ask, then you don't have a set of working eyes. This bouncy, cute ninja girl is the single most adorable character in the entire Fatal Fury universe. Without her, I would have never watched any of the Fatal Fury anime. The problem lies in that Mai was relegated to pretty much damsel-in-distress mode throughout all the OVAs. Except for a couple of moments of Mai, most of the series revolved around boring Terry and his quest for the coolest red hat or whatever it is that makes him tick.

Her best qualities. I love her bouncy behavior. Seriously, she has such as cute, genki and energetic smile that she brightens any scene she is in. The creators probably felt that she took too much attention away from Terry and Andy, so they deliberately cut her time short. Blasphemous I tell you! What they really need to do is create an original series that is based on Mai's life and training as a ninja girl. A young, butt kicking ninja girl that wears one of the most revealing costumes in the history of anime. Case closed because I am hooked.

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